Nov 04 More Than Water
More Than Water I knew a man who wanted nothing more than to enter fully into his dreams and he got his wish by dying in his sleep. His dreams were always of water crossings, tall ships on the high...
View ArticleRe: Nov 04 More Than Water
very poignanat , and something mesmerizing about this relationship --I liked it
View ArticleRe: Nov 04 More Than Water
oh wow toni, i see now what you were saying earlier about the ocean maps showing up at the same time in our poetry. i like this"..he loved me more than water..." (yeah, right..) quite a bit of pain...
View ArticleRe: Nov 04 More Than Water
Thanks Shyla and Sherry. Re the last line, I know it needs to be written better. I hesitated to post, but will let it rest and come back later. What I meant is that, since he loved the journey, the...
View ArticleRe: Nov 04 More Than Water
hi again toni, i understood the line as you intended it. it was afterwards that i realized that it could offer another intent, but nothing in the poem suggested that anything but well wishes were...
View ArticleRe: Nov 04 More Than Water
Perhaps we know the man dies too soon (in the poem)? Maybe holding off that fact till later in the poem would make the rest more significant, leading to the end of dying amidst his dreams? A thought.
View ArticleRe: Nov 04 More Than Water
I enjoyed your vision of a man floating free, voyaging on endless seas. I think many men are married to that rootlessness. Agree with Greta that his early death throws the poem off a bit. A good one...
View ArticleRe: Nov 04 More Than Water
In the beginning you say he wanted nothing more than X , and X isY but later you say he loves you more than Y. So, I got mad at you.
View ArticleRe: Nov 04 More Than Water
OK, was there an ocean prompt somewhere? love the ocean metaphor (always have) Some nights, I woke to find him sitting under a dim light, an oversized atlas open to the ocean, we can't escape our...
View ArticleRe: Nov 04 More Than Water
The opening stanza is a kicker. How it sets up the loss that comes later--a man who can't see where he is for where he thinks he'd rather be. He is both sympathetic and foolish . . . and familiar....
View ArticleRe: Nov 04 More Than Water
Thanks everyone. And John, I love your reading of the piece. Yes, sympathetic and a little foolish. And sad, too. It was sheer coincidence that Sherry and I were both writing about ocean maps on the...
View Article
